Fun with Stamps

It seems every year the United States Postal Service decides that they cannot possibly deliver anymore mail until they receive an additional two cents from the general public. This year is no exception, and the new rate of 44 cents is officially in effect. I am already mourning the loss of my beloved Charles and Ray Eames stamps that made my water bill infinitely more festive.

While you can always go out and buy Forever Stamps, I personally find them a tad snooze-worthy. Fortunately, just in time for the price increase, the USPS has released a few new designs. My feelings are mixed, take a look. What do you think?

Not gonna lie - I was pretty stoked when I saw the new Simpsons stamps. Pop art at it's finest. Perhaps not apropos for fancy wedding invitations, but fun nonetheless.

I'm also quite fond of this new design in the Love line. King and Queen of Hearts stamps are so cool and unexpected. Really pretty.

 

And this is where the post office lost me. My parents always said that if I didn't have anything nice to say, that I should keep my mouth shut. But I assure you, in this case, my silence is deafening. 

Quick etiquette reminder for brides: you must MUST include postage on your RSVP cards. Whether they are tucked in a pretty envelope or you opt for groovy postcards, it's imperative that you stamp each and every one. Most often you can get away with a standard .44 cent stamp, but if there is any question at all - have your friendly postal employee weigh it for you. Same goes for your invitations. NEVER assume you have enough postage. The line at the post office is worth the wait.

Lindsey + Brandon

I recently finished up some Save the Date cards for the cutest bride! Lindsey and Brandon will be tying the knot in the fall, and the bride-to-be wanted to incorporate some rustic charm with a monogram that was designed by a close friend.

In addition to some beautiful, swirly typography, Lindsey is working with a beautiful palate of greens and browns. Here's a sampling of the Save the Date card:

A few tips for any bride considering sending out Save the Dates:

• Plan on sending Save the Dates anywhere from 6-9 months in advance. Allot more time if you are having a destination wedding. Guests will need to book flights and hotels and schedule vacation days well in advance.

• Consider creating a wedding website and listing it on your Save the Date cards. (I omitted Lindsey & Brandon's to respect their privacy on this blog). There are loads of free site builders available, and if you want something super duper, consider ordering a custom site from my pal, Ryan Brannen. 

A wedding website is a great way to share important information with guests. In addition to the obvious, (photos, ceremony and reception information) a wedding website is a sneaky, yet acceptable way of sharing your registry information. You'll also want to list hotel information, directions or a general area map, as well as fun things to do for out-of-town guests.

• Unlike Wedding Invitations, Save the Dates can be more light hearted or casual. You may take this opportunity to do something to show your silly side, which is entirely OK. Many brides also use the Save the Date as a starting point to establish the look of the entire wedding. Also OK. 

While Save the Date cards are by no means necessary to send, they do serve a purpose. And they are a perfect excuse to start early on your wedding stationery, which is always a winning argument in my book.

Music for your First Dance

When planning our wedding, one of the aspects I enjoyed most was selecting a song for our first dance. My husband and I love to have a few glasses of wine and search for songs on iTunes, (Warning: imbibing whilst searching for music may result in inadvertent Will Smith downloads) so for us choosing music was great fun.

However, I know for some brides this can be a difficult task. Many couples may already have a "song", but you need to ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is it appropriate? If your song includes lyrics about having intercourse, I would say to move on and find something else. Immediately.

2. How long or short is the song? Do a test and dance to the song at home. If it's over in 30 seconds, or if after 4 minutes you're still dancing, keep looking.

3. Does the DJ have the song? This may sound stupid, but I actually ran into this at my own wedding. Because I was planning from Arizona for a wedding in Michigan, I did not have the chance to meet many of my vendors until the actual wedding day. I filled out the DJ's questionnaire and promptly returned it to him, assuming that all was well and my selections were available. Wrong. My DJ phoned the night of our rehearsal dinner to say that he didn't have the song for our first dance, and we'd either have to select something else or bring him a disc. I realize now that my choice in DJ was probably not the best, but it's worth mentioning so you don't run into the same thing at the last minute.

If you're still stumped, a sure fire way to find a great song is to look to The Standards. Standards, or music from the Great American Songbook, include music written between the 1920's and '60's and is most often associated with Jazz, Broadway and Hollywood musicals. If you go to Amazon and search for "standards", you'll find a slew of options. You can also search for the songwriters themselves, including Irving Berlin, George and Ira Gershwin, Jerome Kern, Cole Porter and Rodgers and Hart to name a few. You'll likely recognize the songs instantly. I'm listing some of my personal favorites here:

Songs for Swingin' Lovers! $13.99 right here.

Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Rodgers & Hart Songbook, Vol. 2, $14.98 right here.

The Original Great American Songbook, $13.98 right  here.

So grab your favorite adult beverage and enjoy! But please avoid any selections from "Big Willie Style". I assume that goes without saying, but you just never know.

The B List Dilemma

One of the most contentious issues brides will face when planning their wedding is, without a doubt, putting together a guest list. Everyone will have a list of people they absolutely MUST invite...until you realize your intimate garden ceremony has just ballooned into a 400 person gala because your future mother-in-law just had to invite her book club, co-workers and orthodontist.

Many brides try to solve this problem by creating what they call an "A" and "B" list. The basic theory is that you send out invitations to your A-listers and as the responses come in and people respond in the negative, you're good to send out an invitation to someone on your "B" list. This way you can still plan to invite loads of people and everyone is happy, right? 

WRONG. 

Unless you are a meticulous planner and have lots of time on your hands, please think twice before treading down this unpredictable path. I do anything I can to encourage my clients to stick with one list. For several reasons:

• You risk hurt feelings by doing a standby list. Guests who receive an invitation two weeks before the big day will likely know they weren't at the forefront of your mind when you drew up your guest list. Don't make them feel as though they've been picked last in gym class. 

• You will go slightly insane trying to keep track of who has responded from the "A" list and who is next to get an invitation on your "B" list. It's taxing enough with just one list, trust me.

• It might be painful, but sticking with one list will save you money in the long run. You can expect anywhere from 10 to 20% of invited guests to send regrets (more for destination weddings) anyway, so consider combining your "A" and "B" lists. Do the math, does your final head count still look manageable?

• If time management isn't one of your strong suits, consider this bit of advice from ettiquette guru Anna Post: "If you must send out invitations in two stages, be discreet – guests must not ever know they weren't your first choice. Mail the first set a minimum of three months before the wedding, and give those guests at least four weeks to reply. Make sure the second set also has at least four weeks to RSVP; this could push your timetable considerably, so plan carefully." 

You will spend an inordinate amount of time planning your special day. Eliminating the "B" list dilemma can make the process much easier to manage. And you'll save money on Excedrin. Win win.

I Don't Want Kids at My Wedding

Given the current state of things, brides are being forced to cut back on just about everything when planning their wedding. Even when the economic outlook is bright and sunny, the subject of kids at the blessed event can prove to be a major buzz kill. 

In this "be nice" post, I'll tackle the issue from both the brides' and guests' perspective. Here goes.

If you're the bride:

• resist the temptation to include "adults only" or "no children" on your save the date cards or invitations. It's not nice. Simply include only the parents' names on the envelope. This is also good information to share with your bridesmaids, mother and future in-laws. They can help you spread the word that you must be this big to ride this ride.

• if you decide on a "no kids allowed" policy, stick to it. It may be awkward to field the "why can't I bring my child?" questions, but it will be much worse to cave in. If you bend the rule for one guest, there will surely be hell to pay when your other guests find out on wedding day.

• consider offering a babysitting service for any out-of-town guests who have no choice but to bring their kids. If this won't fit within the confines of your budget, you'll need to accept the fact that some of your guests won't attend. 

If you're a guest:

• pay attention to your wedding invitation. If the envelope is addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" and not "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, Mady, Cara, Aaden, Alexis, Joel, Collin, Leah and Hannah", you'll need to leave the little ones at home. 

• don't give the bride and groom grief about not including children in the celebration. Put yourself in their position and understand that weddings are extremely expensive and that it was most likely a budgetary decision.

• enjoy your night off. And bring some cake home for the kids. Sugar is your ally.

Assigned Seating for Wedding Guests

I recently had a bride tell me that she wouldn't need escort cards or a seating chart for her wedding guests because she wanted everyone to get to know one another and mingle. Which in theory sounds great, but in actuality can be a recipe for disaster. 

Before you flood me with "but I did it and it worked out fine!" emails, please allow me to preface this by saying: MOST of the time, free-for-all seating is not the best idea. Sometimes it works. But most often it doesn't.

In truth, most guests follow the herd mentality. They WANT to be told where to sit. Arriving at a reception sans escort cards can be chaotic. They will expect a seating assignment of some sort, so this unexpected turn of events can catch them off guard. 

With assigned seating, your reception will run smoothly and you'll have one less thing to fret about. And chances are, your guests will be mingling during your cocktail hour anyway. 

Martha has a sweet new feature on her site where you can create and organize the seating arrangements for your reception (why couldn't this have been around when I got married?) which makes the whole task of assigned seating infinitely easier. Use it. You (and your guests) will be so glad you did. 

{seating chart from Farrah & Andy's wedding, designed by yours truly.}

Drive Your Map

Maps and directions cards have become a critical piece of the wedding invitation puzzle as of late, especially here in Arizona where a large percentage of the weddings are destination oriented. Lots of out-of-towners coming in to experience the lovely weather, great shopping and dining and of course, your ridiculously amazing wedding!

To make things easier on your guests, I suggest that my clients drive the route they provide to ensure accuracy. This must be done before signing off on your final proofs and sending to the printer. This is especially important if your ceremony and reception are being held at two different locations. Because there is nothing worse than being a stranger in a strange land, no? 

{ pictured above: Map for Anita & Steven's January '08 wedding }

Meal Choice for Weddings

This "be nice" post is for once not about brides behaving badly. It's more about giving yourself a break and maintaining your sanity. Specifically when it comes to feeding your wedding guests.

Whenever I meet with a new client, I always make sure to ask if they will be offering guests a choice of entrée on their response cards. And if they say yes, I go into a rage and berate them mercilessly. Just kidding. But I will take the time to explain why I think this isn't the best idea.

Literally all of the wedding planners I have worked with cringe at the mere mention of meal choice for weddings. And here's why:

• By making guests choose their dinner a month out, they will undoubtedly change their preference the day of the event. "I recently became vegetarian and can't eat the steak" or "I picked chicken, but that pasta looks really good" are very common.

• By offering a variety of dishes, you now become responsible for keeping track of who gets what. So in addition to obsessing over seat assignments, you now need to make sure that the wait staff gets wind of who wants what. It's about as fun as it sounds.

• Many venues and caterers offer options for "dual entrées" so if your Aunt won't eat anything that had parents, chances are she'll eat the vegetarian pasta conveniently located on the same plate. My husband and I chose a chicken and shrimp dual entrée for our wedding, and it worked out great. You'll never please 100% of your guests. But with the dual entrée, you'll come close.

• It's just one meal. Guests will forgive you if their favorite dish isn't on the menu. It's not a restaurant, after all. I don't expect to place special orders when I attend a wedding, and your guests will be no different. (And if you do anticipate your guests will be placing special orders, consider inviting different guests.)

You'll need to make around 3,946 decisions when planning your big day. Meal choice doesn't need to be one of them. Honest.

Including Hotel Information for Your Guests

As a courtesy to guests, many brides will include hotel information with their wedding invites. If you're having a destination wedding or you have guests who will be flying or driving long distances, this information can be critical.

While it may seem like common sense, I always stress to my clients that they review their proofs very carefully to ensure all information is accurate. Obviously you'll want to double check that names and locations are correct, but it's also crucial to double check (and sometimes triple check) that street addresses and phone numbers match up.

I'm sure you're thinking, "no duh, Kelly. Of course I'll check my proofs."

But time and time again, I run into clients who are so excited to get everything off to the printer that they will overlook key details. Allow me to share the following horror story:

A few years back, a bride came to me after utilizing the services of another vendor for Save the Date cards. She had included travel information for guests who wanted to book hotels and transportation ahead of time. (Smart). However, one of the hotel phone numbers was one number off and she had missed it in the proofing process. So when Grandma called to book a room for her beloved granddaughter's wedding, she was obviously expecting to connect with the front desk at XYZ hotel. Instead, she had called a service that I can only describe as "adult" in nature. (This is a family blog, folks.)

I understand that in politics it is generally frowned upon to promote change by instilling fear in the general public. I, however, have no problem using this tactic if it means saving Grandma from the trauma described above. In short -- REVIEW YOUR PROOFS CAREFULLY!

{Save the Date card from Kelly Ashworth Design. No grandmothers were harmed by this hotel information.}

Can my Mom throw me a shower?

If you are a Bride or a Mom-to-be, chances are you'll have at least one shower thrown for you. And just like any other event, there are etiquette guidelines that must be adhered to. The most commonly asked question I receive is, "is it OK for my Mom to host my bridal/baby shower?" The simple answer is no. 

Generally it's considered in poor taste for a mother to host her own daughter's shower. It can make mom appear to be soliciting gifts on your behalf. Tacky!

There are loopholes, of course. Many moms want to help the bridesmaids or friends in any way she can, so she may offer up her home for the shower itself. As long as your friends or bridesmaids are listed as the official hostesses on the invitations, you're good to go.

{pictured above: bridal shower invitation for yours truly. And no, my mom didn't host!}

What does the "M" mean on my RSVP Card?

Whether you're a bride planning a wedding, or a guest planning to attend, you may find yourself completely clueless on matters of etiquette. For example, I have so many people ask "what does that "M" mean on the RSVP card?" 

{Pictured above: Kelly Ashworth Design reply card for Nov. '08 wedding. }

Simple answer: it denotes your formal title. Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms. So if you are Mr. and Mrs. Jim Halpert, for example, the "M" is the first letter in "Mr." It's just a line meant to fill in your title and the rest of your name. Easy, right?

I will post periodically about etiquette issues on this blog. For quick reference, just look under the category "be nice" and you'll find what you're looking for.

Gifts for the Deserving Hostess, Pt. 5

Welcome to the wonderful world of tea towels! Your hostess will appreciate the fact that these are anything but the plain jane variety found at your local superstore. And you can rest easy knowing that you didn't break the bank on a spiffy gift.

{ at left: $9.99 here, top right: $18 for 2 here, bottom right: $14 here. } 

{ at left: $18 here, top right: $16 here, bottom right: $9.95 here. } 

Gifts for the Deserving Hostess, Pt. 4

Lots of lovely picture frame options out there, folks. If you've got an embarrassing photo of the hostess, all the better. Just kidding. 

Keep it classy when someone is feeding you and providing you with intoxicating beverages. Here are six ways to do it:

{ at left: from $7.99 to $44.00 here, top right: $50 here, bottom right: $50 here. }

{ at left: $19.95 here, top right: from $15.95 here, bottom right: from $30 here. }

Gifts for the Deserving Hostess, Pt. 3

You can't go wrong with candle holders. Another great inexpensive gift that can easily be matched to your hostess' decor. And do her a favor -- bring the matching candles so she won't have to make a special trip to complete your gift. But avoid the smelly stuff. A vanilla factory may be heaven to you, but may make your hostess yack. I'm just saying. 

{ at left: $9.95 each here, top right: $3.99 each here, bottom right: $5.95 each here. }

{ at left: $32 a pair here, top right: $24 right here, bottom right: $49 a pair here. }

Gifts for the Deserving Hostess, Pt. 2

I've always considered aprons to be a tad on the dowdy side, but it tends to be a popular choice for hostess gifts. A quick web search has completely proven me wrong – there are so many cool aprons out there! I would even wear some of these out of doors if it were socially acceptable. Perhaps I can start a new trend. In the meantime, check out these cuties:

{ at left: $42 right here, top right: $40 right here, bottom right: $24 right here. }

{ at left: $39.95 right here, top right: $19.99 right here, bottom right: $19.99 right here. }

Gifts for the Deserving Hostess, Pt.1

I'm always on the lookout for a cool and unique gift idea, so this week I'm devoting my posts to gift ideas for the deserving hostess. Today I'm presenting some great finds from the world of salt and pepper shakers. Everyone needs them, they're cheap and, as I've found, they come in a wide variety of options to match the personality of your gracious host. 

{ at left: $3.95 each here, top right: $12 here, bottom right: $30 here. }

{ at left: $22.95 here, top right: $24 here, bottom right: $48 here. }

Be a gracious guest

You hear an awful lot about bridezilla's these days. But for every bride behaving badly, there are a bevy of wedding guests who could also use a refresher course in minding their manners.

I have encountered all of these indiscretions at one time or another, as I'm sure many of you have as well. These blunders are inexcusable and must be stopped, so I'm doing my own little part to bring these issues to light. I give you:

The Kelly Ashworth Design 6 Ways to Not Suck as a Wedding Guest:

1. RSVP in a timely manner

There is a reason the reply card lists a request for response by a certain date. Actually, there are several reasons. The caterer needs to know how many meals to prepare, the rental company needs to know how many tables and chairs to set up, the florist needs to know how many centerpieces to create. You get the picture. Don't make the bride call to ask if you plan on attending. In other words: don't be an anchor.

2. Pay attention to your invitation

If your kids' names are not listed on the envelope, don't bring them. If your name isn't followed by "and guest", don't bring along the guy you met at the club the night before. And DO NOT hassle the bride. We all know your kids are perfection in human form and that this new guy you've been dating for 24 hours is just the bees knees, but the bride and groom might be on a limited budget, the reception location may have a smaller capacity, etc.

3. Don't fuss about the food

I always try to dissuade brides from allowing guests to choose from several meal options because it can be a nightmare to keep track of everything. A great solution is to have a combination plate (chicken and shrimp, steak and lobster, etc.). If you have been given a choice, stick with it. Please don't choose steak and then become a vegetarian the night before the wedding. It's just one meal.

4. Sit where you're told

I had a guest at my wedding sit where she wanted instead of where her escort card indicated. She insisted that she would not move, that she was to be seated with the party presently in front of her. She obviously didn't realize (or just didn't care) what a domino effect this created, and the wedding coordinator had to scramble to find seats for the uprooted guests quickly. Please respect the seat to which you've been assigned. Again, it's just one meal.

5. Don't wear jeans

It's a wedding, people! Unless the invitations requested Canadian tuxedos, please leave the jeans at home. I understand the economy is tight and you may not be able to afford a new dress, but just make an effort. You'll blend in a lot better with last years' cocktail dress than you will with anything consisting of denim.

6. Don't behave like a hooligan

So dinner is over, you've had a few cocktails and it's time to party. This is to be expected at a wedding. However, this is not an invitation to behave like a complete buffoon. 

I have witnessed so many shocking displays of jackassery at weddings. I don't know that there is really any way to mitigate these shenanigans so long as alcohol is being served. Have a great time, just don't be that guy. You know the one I'm talking about. 

Emily Post sums it up best:

"The good guest is almost invisible, enjoying him- or herself, communing with fellow guests, and, most of all, enjoying the generous hospitality of the hosts."

In other words, don't spoil the wedding, weirdo.

You'll thank me later

I haven't run into this nearly as many times as the dreaded registry card, but it's just as vile and well worth mentioning. I'm speaking of ...dum dum DUM...the pre-printed thank you card. 

Let me clarify. The pre-printed thank you notes I'm referring to involve printing a message inside the card that goes something like this: "thank you for your lovely gift and for sharing in our first day as man and wife. Love, Jane and Jon Doe"

I have had brides inquire about these before, and like the registry card, I have always put my foot down. I hear all the same excuses, "it's so much easier this way", or "they won't mind as long as I send a thank you", or "it will save so much time", and on and on. 

I completely understand that planning a wedding can be quite a task. Loads of decisions, stress and credit card bills. So much so that it's easy to overlook the commitment your guests have made by ticking off the "will attend" box on your reply card. But consider the time, effort and costs they incur by just attending your soiree. There may be plane tickets to purchase, hotels to book, cars to rent. Depending on your dress code, they may need to throw in a new dress and tux rental. And the icing on the cake? A lovely gift for you and your groom.

So put yourself in their shoes for a moment and think about how you would feel if you received this type of empty sentiment. Kind of a downer, right? You don't have to write a novel, just a thoughtful note of appreciation will do. You can find some great tips right here. 

Don't take the easy way out on this one. If you do, you might consider following up your thoughtless correspondence with one of these:

Wedding Programs made easy

{ Bhavi and Tom's wedding program. Photo provided by Jared Platt }

In my experience, nothing seems to stump a bride like the wedding program. By the time you reach this point in the planning process, you're likely to be worn out making decisions that have anything to do with your wedding. Understood. 

That's why I'm providing you with the Kelly Ashworth Design Super Fantastic Wedding Program Checklist (or KADSFWPC for those of you who like a good acronym).

I normally have brides build a program around four main components:

1. Wedding Party

2. Order of Ceremony

3. Message of Thanks from the Bride & Groom

4. Remembrances / Tributes

Then if you want to get a little more in depth, you can explain your relationship to the members of your wedding party. Depending on your energy level, this can include a straightforward "Shannon Snodgrass, bridesmaid, college friend" or a more intimate approach that may sound like "Shannon Snodgrass was one of my Biology lab partners at MSU. We bonded over bunsen burners and beer at The Riv."

For brides with unique cultural or religious traditions, I always recommend laying them out in the program. Guests will appreciate being able to follow ceremonies they may be otherwise unfamiliar with. 

{ Bhavi and Tom's ceremony combined elements to celebrate their Indian and American heritage. }

{ Stephanie and Jordan's wedding program provides detailed explanations of Jewish wedding traditions. }

And always ALWAYS thank you guests in some way for attending your wedding. It doesn't have to be eighteen paragraphs long. It does have to express your gratitude and appreciation that people have taken time out of their busy lives to be with you. 

Easy, right? Now just make sure you don't put this off until the last minute because your friendly designer is liable to FREAK OUT. Thanks.

Dress Codes Decoded

There was a fantastic article in the Wall Street Journal recently about how dress codes for fancy parties and the like have spiraled out of control. Here's the gist:

"In recent years, party hosts have made dress-code descriptions ever more creative, trying to set a lively tone to keep their bashes from sounding run-of-the-mill. It's no longer unusual to receive an invitation prescribing a dress code of 'wild chic,' 'beach formal,' 'resort dressy,' 'international,' 'festive,' 'creative black tie,' or 'safari chic.' Now, there's a backlash brewing, with many hosts returning to simple, clear instructions -- both for their guests' sanity and for their own."

Amen.

If I had it my way, a tank top, jeans and running shoes would be socially acceptable at any event (sorry, Stacy and Clinton). Since it's not, I am overcome with a feeling of dread at the very thought of attending a party with a "wild chic" dress code. Chances are, your guests will be too if you decide to spring something like this on them. So keep it simple. As one woman in the article pointed out, "I would much rather throw a party and receive 25 calls after, saying, 'What a great party that was,' than [get] 25 calls beforehand asking, 'What does this mean?' "

Read the whole story here.

And if you send me an invite prescribing a "festive" dress code, be prepared for a bedazzled tank top.